Saturday, 11 April 2015

A Dope Deal

‘Change’ they say is the only constant. 19 years of my life have taught me this in a cruel way. Things constantly change. New challenges, new people, new relationships, and eventually, the old leave to move on to a change in their own lives. No one stays the same.

I have always been the kind of person to invest myself completely into the relationships I make. I throw my heart and soul into the fire and almost always get burned. Talk about throwing caution to the wind, I’ve seen all too many relationships break before my eyes and yet, I wear my heart on my sleeve, letting anyone and everyone have a piece of it, knowing full well, only 1% of them would really take care of it.

It wasn’t until last year, that I had decided I had enough, enough of being everyone’s ragdoll, and I had no one to blame but myself. I had put my heart on the line, and I got it hurt. But that was over now. I had officially turned cold to the world. Sick and tired of being walked upon, I closed in on myself and stayed cold and heartless, stopped going out of my way to feed the relationships that existed, and never made an attempt to make any new ones. And this came as a surprise to me, as I never thought my heart was capable of this until I really accomplished a stone-hearted state of mind.

It was depressing to say the least.  Me, a bubbly, joyful, engaging teenager, turning a cold shoulder to the world, was something the world was not ready to accept. Right enough, it threw under my nose, a plethora of new challenges that required my expertise. The workaholic in me drowned and channelized all my negative energy into being the best me I can be. I nurtured my self- esteem and worked on building my strengths.

Inevitably, I met new people that craved my attention. As the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy, the heart that once used to be so accepting of love and attention was now holding back. Until one day, I met someone who was trying really hard to break down the walls I had erected.

In the end, it all came down to whether I was willing to let anyone in. I found that I was craving to feel loved again, to put myself out there, only this time be more cautious about how ‘out there’ I go. I found that the only thing stopping me from opening up, was fear of being closed off from another’s. That’s when I realized how stupid I was being, denying myself attention and love, that almost every human is genetically wired to crave, and that every human being deserves.

This year, I let myself for once, just listen to my heart, do what I’ve always been passionate about, something I’ve lived to do: Give love and in turn receive it. ‘Magic’ is too small a word to describe the new relationships I’ve made. I’ve learned that the heart will always want what it wants, and nothing you try to do, will stop it. All you got to do is forever look out for it, feed it the love it deserves and keep it away from anything that’ll bring it down.

My heart made a deal that was worth every moment of solitude spent to repair it. Listen to your heart, follow it, it knows what it needs.

I am participating in the #DilKiDealOnSnapdeal activity at BlogAdda in association with SnapDeal.

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