Out of Sync

I should have known it was inevitableI should have known this day would come
I should have guessed things would begin to look this way
I should have read the signs, but I played dumb.

I feel stupid now for my ignorance
For it's only left me lagging behind
While you move ahead with all that's new
I'm left with an emotionally unstable mind

I'm still absorbing the change
the new 'you' that I see
Familiar has turned strange
and my emotions suddenly seem re-arranged.

I feel trapped and exhausted to the bone,
tired and worn
but this is my battle
One I have to fight alone.

It's a battle against change
or should I say for it.
It's my fight to overcome the constant  need of 'comfortable'
and welcome the 'unfamiliar' into my life.

How did I not see it coming?
I can't help but question.
But maybe it was just me,
avoiding the signs and suggestions

There's a part of me that knew all along
That there has to be an end to a harmonious song
and though it is difficult for me to move on
I know that over 'change', I can prove myself strong.

I don't expect you to stay back with me
Or even move at my pace
I don't ever want you to feel obligated 

to forever be at my case

I ridicule myself 

for feeling this way
But I guess there was a part of me
that feared the coming of this day

The sync that we always fell into
is now somewhat astray.
Although it's still there for now
I dread it will disappear someday.

I hate myself for being so weak
I know it would do you anything but proud
this side of me, I've never seen
hidden under the familiar, It remained insecure and un-found.

This part of me is the weaker 'me'
it has always depended on you.
even when I showed I needed no help
This dark side was indirectly holding on to you

This note may make no sense at all
but to me it's a much needed place to vent
For when the only person you ever said such things to, is out of reach
A blank page seems like a friend, heaven sent.