Wednesday 25 October 2017

25th October- A Comeback

There comes a time where you just stop looking back at your past. At every mistake you made thinking it was the right choice, the right lead, the right moment, the right person. Wrong. It was all wrong and you hold it against yourself stronger than you ever would anything else.

But all of that one day comes to an end. You pause and realise that none of it is worth it. That excruciating pain in your neck from looking around at what’s long behind you, what belongs behind you, all wrong behind you. You find a cure in just looking straight ahead, far ahead and you think:  "fuck that".

That’s when the universe will rush into your world and hit you with something hard enough to let you fall right back into the day, into the current moment, the present.
And you’ll thank it. Even though your head feels sore, and you’re heart even more.
You’ll thank it even though painful was the fall, and safe landing- none at all.
You’ll thank it because you’ll know, this moment is screaming "go",
and then on, no more will you stand- one foot out the door.

Step out, step on, step ahead
There’s only a world of opportunities waiting beyond your depressing bed.
Get out of your head,
quit calculating every move and find your groove in things you enjoy.
Find a girl, find a boy, hell! Go find a toy.
Just never employ intoxicants to time travel you back to yesterday.

Yesterday is poisonous,
tomorrow is ecstasy,
to hell with what’s over and done,
design your own destiny.

Tuesday 20 June 2017

Reminiscence




We floated out into the waves
and when we reached a place we knew we were safe,
we surrendered.
And I saw it, the moment time stood still,
I saw it the moment your heart filled,
in the waters I felt the weight of your soul
and all the love that never grew old,
and you stared up into a purple evening sky,
never once losing faith in the waters holding you up,
carrying you nigh.
Your gaze, fixed on a single star, your hand holding mine so I wouldn't go far,
in that moment I felt the currents, ghosts of touches against our skin.
Tonight was about worshiping the stars,
tonight was more about lying there, than a swim.
Lying there with not a fear for the world and it's whims,
Hymns of praise and melodic tunes have reached the skies and kissed the moon.
Yet, here we are hoping to be reunited soon,
with the friends we've made and the souls that fade.

We waded out to the shore
When the tides got stronger than the tears we wore.
Hearts sore, souls exhausted,
the moment was short, but enchanting while it lasted.

Another soul on the way home
Another life, on the sands of heaven, will roam.

With our feet in the sand and palms safe in each others hands
We said a prayer of thanksgiving
For the dead and the living.

Time doesn't stand still anymore.
Neither do our feet on that very same shore.
You alone could freeze time for us all,
You alone were a big difference in a world so small.
The waves don't hit us as often as your kind heart did,
The horizon doesn't glow as pretty as your smile.
Time will stay moving and hearts will keep loving,
But we'll swim towards that moment everyday of our while,
Hoping that the current will send your voice in a wave,
And for a moment, just a tiny moment we will be reminded of the joy you gave.
You left a mark, you touched souls.
Your memory, your love, your strength bold
We won't let it drown, we won't let it fade,
we won't let your story die, and mostly go untold.

Monday 12 June 2017

Hover


Let me confess
I'm not as perfect as you think I am
I'm not supernatural and I'm not someone who's all forgiving and all understanding.
Believe it or not I have a heart very similar to your own
A heart that races, hurts, rages and even gives up
I'm only human.
So on nights when I'm laying in my bed questioning why the stars align a certain way they do and why they still can't ever let me have you
I'm left thinking about the way you used to whisper Always
Like it was your favourite word
The only word you would put all your faith in
I'm left thinking about a one worded promise
And how if we kept it
I wouldn't be laying here thinking about you
I'd be talking to you and listening even more
But life's not ideal
And my hearts more real than you and I could ever believe
And if you called me your lover
Why then do my insecurities awaken and hover
Around my head
In my head
Under my bed
Demons hidden within me
They tell me you never cared to begin with
And I shut my eyes tight
Hoping that they might go away
Leave me alone for tonight
You said once we could never fall apart
But the heart wants what it wants
And I guess it's allowed to change its mind then too
You showed me how capable mine is to love unconditionally,
Without inhibitions or prejudice
You made me believe I'll have no other but you
You failed to tell me that won't work the same for you
Now your souls intertwined with another
And mine left out in the cold
I'm not going to be told twice
This act of betrayal will suffice
This I know and this I believe
I'll never trust a heart again
Especially when it vows to never leave.

Thursday 8 June 2017

Packing up


Yet again
I find myself packing up my stuff.
Rolling, not folding, to make space for it all.
Putting all this weight I am, to use,
just to get it shut inside,
just to hide
all of me that's usually rare to see,
all of me that's strange and yet too real,
packed away yet again with hope to never have reason to see the light of day
to never again fall prey to love,
to never fall, only rise above.
This implosion of sorts
felt too real.
I thought we had a deal,
but words mean more to me than they do to you.
And I vow now, to never resort to poetry, if in love, I fall again
I will cut off a finger before it touches a pen,
For in words I found security
Purity of a love.
And in words, all said and done,
I found betrayal, that of trust, trust in just one.
I wish to move away and on
wish to never meet another one
wish to never put down in words,
how wonderful life is when one's in the world.
My face in my hands, warm tears moisten my palms,
just a tired soul and restless qualms.
There's only so much one can take,
there's only so many compromises one can make.
Shake me out of this bad dream,
tell me nothing's as it seems,
before I stand up, ready to go,
suitcase of loyalty and love in tow.
My words for you always just flow,
now they cause chills, turned cold and bitter,
no silver lining to your worlds stormy weather.
My words, they floored,
But now they don't even make sense anymore.

Saturday 8 April 2017

Icarus

They said if you get too close, you'll burn.
Fly too high and it might be the last lesson you'll learn.
Fly too low and the lesser you'll know.
So find a balance, keep your eyes open, feel the wind
and judge for yourself, be alert, know you way.
Had they warned me how good it would feel to jump,
how addictive the fall and the rise above it all,
would I have known better, been wiser?
Had I known how beautiful the sun,
how it put all my pieces back together
turned million to one, whole,
shone on me like soft gold,
Had I  known,
would I have thought twice?
Or challenged the wind and regardless, flown.

It burned my soul and ignited in me
a flame so strong, stubborn to the breeze.
A fire that failed to cease
my heart from racing the currents,
embracing the winds.
I competed with every breath,
to fly further from inevitable death
or towards it,
I wasn't even sure.
But when the sky's your bed and the sun your love,
you wouldn't mind it, were you to die a dove.

Closer, higher, falling upwards to your warmth,
wind in my hair, you were there,
constant, all encompassing, soul bare.
Where nothing could freeze my soul
no breeze too strong to turn my heart cold
you were it, you were the one,
lost, and in love, I flew higher towards my sun.

Was Icarus a fool
to have lent a deaf ear to his father's only rule?
He was free and in love
with hope and wings of a dove.
While we're all looking for the something in between
Icarus experienced a love unseen.

I'm inching higher, nearing the clouds he sought
I'm afraid I'm just like him in soul, in heart and in thought.


Sunday 19 March 2017

Confessions of an Overindulgent Mind


This could be my over imaginative mind that's never been kind to me and my heart
But its always played a part in building me and my hopes
only to destroy them and leave me clinging to a rope, the only thing left to hold on, to to hang on to my sanity.
Excuse my vanity, but there's this thing about me, this thing I see
every time you're near me. Dear me! time begins to warp, and slow down,
my feet don't feel a ground.
You probably think I sound delirious but this is something I determine serious
For I cannot go a minute without a day dream of you in it.
You're there when I wake up,
You're there in my sleep
You're there trying to keep me and my arms around you.
Surround you but then I awake.
But I see you're a mystery
Wanting to be read like a third grader learning history.
Kiss me and I will read every word on your lips like you are the only thing I will ever believe in
Leave in your insecurities so that my tongue can explore
What it tastes like to encounter your heart long before
you know what I will say when I tell you how I'll love you always.
Again I'm lost in a day dream of sorts where I'm near you
And shivering with giddy delight
Because my soul feels light and in love
When you're near me, when you're around and about
There's absolutely not a speck of doubt
that I've fallen for your quirks and all.
Loving every page of you, folding the edges of you
that I want to come back later to.
Exploring fables inked in your skin,
Tracing circles along your spine that boasts of so many wins,
Ghost-kissing your shoulder and telling you stories of us growing older.
This could be my over imaginative mind that's never been kind to me and my heart
But its always played a part in building me and my hopes
only to destroy them and leave me clinging to a rope, the only thing left to hold on, to to hang on to my sanity.
Excuse my vanity, there's this thing about me, this thing I see
I see you watching me,
me falling harder, and deeper in love with thee.

Monday 13 March 2017

Hindsight


I looked to my left
and there I saw it.
A portal. Disguised as eyes.
So inviting I couldn't resist
And my toes, tempted as they were to test new waters,
jumped in without a thought,
fought no resistance from a heart, otherwise so shy,
so hesitant on any other day to even say "Hi".
But here I was, now and for a long time, dreading a goodbye.
By and by I grew comfortable in your universe,
still unsure whether you were a boon or a curse.
The rantings of your soul began to quench my thirst.
You brought out the worst
in me and the best in me,
and I could see no other but you.
You were true and mad and deep,
and I loved you.
Truly, madly and deeply.
We were a real life fairy-tale
Tip toeing around what never should have been,
But was anyway.
The sky was the limit for our kind of love.
Above us and below us, all around us denied,
But you were my safe place, my north star, the only place I could hide
Beside you, was where my heart resided
I confided and so did you,
our love abided but fell apart too.

And now I'm writing words they don't get.
And context that was never set.
Let them never understand the force that took my hand and pulled me in through that portal,
a love that was fatal and new,
that brought colours and blue,
that left me admitting things I've never said before,
that left me standing by your door
and whispering..
"Please just give us another chance,
My melody is incomplete without your soul and a dance."

One mistake, one fault of my own,
I see now in hindsight,
back where it all began
I should have never fallen through
I should have never held your hand
I should have ditched the portal and its alluring light
I should have, I wish I had, forcefully looked to my right.

Wednesday 15 February 2017

2 am, my confidant


2 am,
you've always been true to me,
never let me down.
When silence unfriended me,
you kept me sound.
You were the noise in my chaos 
and the cry of my soul.
You knew the difference between a warm embrace,
and a love gone cold.
Bold enough were you,
to throw reality in my face
and scream into my ears
that it wasn't my place
to order the stars around and meddle with fate.
It wasn't about love as much as it was about hate
for words that come to me,
when the hour is just too late.
Wait a moment, I know it's late.
But 2 am, you never condemn
me for calling you up,
when I'm feeling too down;
for confiding in you,
about the demons that surround
me, in my all too conscious state
with a head that won't think straight.
Complicated are the hours of day,
for those are moments I won't say
what needs to be said.
No, I require your ears when I'm lazing in bed.
My head's a mess of words and memories,
a game of chess between me and the reveries.
2 am, you've seen me through it all,
you've seen my highs and my drunken falls.
Crawl into dawn with me, my friend
in your hour alone I will begin and end.

Saturday 11 February 2017

Flawful


The exact moment I knew I was in love with you
was the moment I realized I was in love with your flaws too.
Every scar on your shoulder from carrying the weight of the world
to every line on your palm from juggling baggage too real.
The moment you found you could trust me with a secret,
was the moment I knew I would hold it in my heart till the day we part.
And you started to sing, words like a river flowing from your lips,
sips of water to quench my thirsting heart.
Your secrets became a part of me,
shattered me so that I could see,
that broken and bold has its own beauty.
Me, a flaw by nature,
found that I could not hate your
wrongs and I could not fight.
For your flaws shone on my soul
like the stars do for the night.
Ripples turned to waves
that gushed over the walls you've made slaves
to your stubborn heart that never shared.
But now, bared, the most human thing I've ever encountered,
the most earthly words I've ever heard,
naked, your soul lies before me
after me to bare mine too.
Shhhh,
Listen to its tune.
We can laze this way until its noon.
And I'll worship every flaw you've ever thought made you unworthy
ever thought taints you in my eyes,
ever thought could make me see you as any less
than the beautiful mess of imperfect perfection
that you are.
Bar no story from me while I explore,
and dust off secrets from your shore.
Slowly but surely you'll see through and through
I am nothing but a mess, more flawed than you.
And maybe, somewhere at dawn
I'll meet you half way,
and we'll balance out our differences.
I'll take every pain of hate you feel,
and every brick you've used for shield,
keep them aside for us to heal.
Seal away the things that hurt the most,
and kiss your seas from coast to coast.
Together we will drown in the waters of a dark sky,
Lie with me, hit pause.
Let me worship the beauty in your flaws.

Thursday 26 January 2017

I Write You


In case we don't make it,
you should know the truth.
I've never felt more alive,
than in moments spent with you.
In case we fall again,
and out of love this time,
you should know you brought beauty to every season,
and reason to every rhyme.
Perhaps we'll crash and burn,
yearn for new love and no return.
Maybe we'll learn we're better apart.
Heart fooled and dumbfounded,
sick of a love so grounded.
In case we don't soar,
you can never not know,
You have flowers for a soul,
blooming always, never growing old.
Gold is your story,
your story untold.
Fold me, in your journal of anecdotes,
let me be a page you come back to,
when you need to be reminded,
of the things that had you blinded.
Find it, in moments when you need
to remember our greed.
Read and then close.
Like our love, and the end we chose,
we will fade between the pages,
slowly, surely settling for prose.
In case we don't make it,
You should know the truth,
I've never written poetry and love
the way I write you. 

Saturday 14 January 2017

What's your story, 2017?


There are things you know at the back of your mind that need not present themselves so often; to the extent that you sometimes don't give them the credit they deserve.
There are things you are aware of, that are so one with your soul, you hardly ever take time to acknowledge.

This is me acknowledging my 2016.

2016 was a roller coaster disguised as a year for me and I think the ending culminated into a bitter sweet 'happily ever after' bringing to mind how steep the downfalls were and how uplifting the climbs were.

Never before have I felt so much in one year than I did in 2016 and I think I owe all thanks and curse to a circus I have for a heart and an open book I have for a soul.

I did stupid things, smart things, heart breaking things and heart mending things and all not necessarily for myself. This is not to say I have been ignorant to myself, infact, I did learn to be selfish and look out for my own needs over my friends for once. You know what it taught me? It proved to me how much I hate that idea.

2016 showed me that in letting go whats toxic to your soul, you inadvertently allow positive energies in.

I graduated from college, got a job, got another job, had 3 love interests that were toxic from conception and made friends I know will stay for the long run. I also let go of attachments and obsessions and learned there will be no growth without change.

2016 was also a year I admitted things to myself that take a lot of courage and a lot of soul energy. to the point that it tires you mentally. I fought battles within myself that not many on the outside knew about, and the handful of people who I shared this with, stood by me and pushed me on.

I opened up to people who in-turn opened up to me and it showed me more than anything, what a guarded world we live in. I made a pledge to myself to be alright with weird, to allow myself to be odd and strange and to be me more than anything. No matter how uniform the world asks me to be, I made up my mind and my heart to be as different as I can be even if it means letting go of a few people I've met along the way.

2016 taught me that we're all here for a short period of time and we owe it to ourselves and to the people we love to express ourselves, to tell the people we love that we love them, to talk to people we find intriguing and inspiring, to read the books we want to read and write blogs we want to write, to kiss the people we want to kiss, to ask for help when you need it, and to help when you see someone suffering in silence.

I started using a new conversation starter. 'Whats your story', I asked. and the answers were mind-numbingly beautiful. The best friendships began there.

2016 put a lot of truths in the back of my mind, and I wish nothing more than to hold them as a filter before me, for this new year. I want to take the things I've learned about me into this new year and add layers of truth and positivity to them. I wish to become the best version of myself this year and I hope you find it in yourself to be honest with your heart too.

Have a beautiful year ahead, you guys.