Hover

Let me confess
I'm not as perfect as you think I am
I'm not supernatural and I'm not someone who's all forgiving and all understanding.
Believe it or not I have a heart very similar to your own
A heart that races, hurts, rages and even gives up
I'm only human.
So on nights when I'm laying in my bed questioning why the stars align a certain way they do and why they still can't ever let me have you
I'm left thinking about the way you used to whisper Always
Like it was your favourite word
The only word you would put all your faith in
I'm left thinking about a one worded promise
And how if we kept it
I wouldn't be laying here thinking about you
I'd be talking to you and listening even more
But life's not ideal
And my hearts more real than you and I could ever believe
And if you called me your lover
Why then do my insecurities awaken and hover
Around my head
In my head
Under my bed
Demons hidden within me
They tell me you never cared to begin with
And I shut my eyes tight
Hoping that they might go away
Leave me alone for tonight
You said once we could never fall apart
But the heart wants what it wants
And I guess it's allowed to change its mind then too
You showed me how capable mine is to love unconditionally,
Without inhibitions or prejudice
You made me believe I'll have no other but you
You failed to tell me that won't work the same for you
Now your souls intertwined with another
And mine left out in the cold
I'm not going to be told twice
This act of betrayal will suffice
This I know and this I believe
I'll never trust a heart again
Especially when it vows to never leave.

Packing up

Yet again
I find myself packing up my stuff.
Rolling, not folding, to make space for it all.
Putting all this weight I am, to use,
just to get it shut inside,
just to hide
all of me that's usually rare to see,
all of me that's strange and yet too real,
packed away yet again with hope to never have reason to see the light of day
to never again fall prey to love,
to never fall, only rise above.
This implosion of sorts
felt too real.
I thought we had a deal,
but words mean more to me than they do to you.
And I vow now, to never resort to poetry, if in love, I fall again
I will cut off a finger before it touches a pen,
For in words I found security
Purity of a love.
And in words, all said and done,
I found betrayal, that of trust, trust in just one.
I wish to move away and on
wish to never meet another one
wish to never put down in words,
how wonderful life is when one's in the world.
My face in my hands, warm tears moisten my palms,
just a tired soul and restless qualms.
There's only so much one can take,
there's only so many compromises one can make.
Shake me out of this bad dream,
tell me nothing's as it seems,
before I stand up, ready to go,
suitcase of loyalty and love in tow.
My words for you always just flow,
now they cause chills, turned cold and bitter,
no silver lining to your worlds stormy weather.
My words, they floored,
But now they don't even make sense anymore.

Icarus

They said if you get too close, you'll burn.
Fly too high and it might be the last lesson you'll learn.
Fly too low and the lesser you'll know.
So find a balance, keep your eyes open, feel the wind
and judge for yourself, be alert, know you way.
Had they warned me how good it would feel to jump,
how addictive the fall and the rise above it all,
would I have known better, been wiser?
Had I known how beautiful the sun,
how it put all my pieces back together
turned million to one, whole,
shone on me like soft gold,
Had I  known,
would I have thought twice?
Or challenged the wind and regardless, flown.

It burned my soul and ignited in me
a flame so strong, stubborn to the breeze.
A fire that failed to cease
my heart from racing the currents,
embracing the winds.
I competed with every breath,
to fly further from inevitable death
or towards it,
I wasn't even sure.
But when the sky's your bed and the sun your love,
you wouldn't mind it, were you to die a dove.

Closer, higher, falling upwards to your warmth,
wind in my hair, you were there,
constant, all encompassing, soul bare.
Where nothing could freeze my soul
no breeze too strong to turn my heart cold
you were it, you were the one,
lost, and in love, I flew higher towards my sun.

Was Icarus a fool
to have lent a deaf ear to his father's only rule?
He was free and in love
with hope and wings of a dove.
While we're all looking for the something in between
Icarus experienced a love unseen.

I'm inching higher, nearing the clouds he sought
I'm afraid I'm just like him in soul, in heart and in thought.

Confessions of an Overindulgent Mind

This could be my over imaginative mind that's never been kind to me and my heart
But its always played a part in building me and my hopes
only to destroy them and leave me clinging to a rope, the only thing left to hold on, to to hang on to my sanity.
Excuse my vanity, but there's this thing about me, this thing I see
every time you're near me. Dear me! time begins to warp, and slow down,
my feet don't feel a ground.
You probably think I sound delirious but this is something I determine serious
For I cannot go a minute without a day dream of you in it.
You're there when I wake up,
You're there in my sleep
You're there trying to keep me and my arms around you.
Surround you but then I awake.
But I see you're a mystery
Wanting to be read like a third grader learning history.
Kiss me and I will read every word on your lips like you are the only thing I will ever believe in
Leave in your insecurities so that my tongue can explore
What it tastes like to encounter your heart long before
you know what I will say when I tell you how I'll love you always.
Again I'm lost in a day dream of sorts where I'm near you
And shivering with giddy delight
Because my soul feels light and in love
When you're near me, when you're around and about
There's absolutely not a speck of doubt
that I've fallen for your quirks and all.
Loving every page of you, folding the edges of you
that I want to come back later to.
Exploring fables inked in your skin,
Tracing circles along your spine that boasts of so many wins,
Ghost-kissing your shoulder and telling you stories of us growing older.
This could be my over imaginative mind that's never been kind to me and my heart
But its always played a part in building me and my hopes
only to destroy them and leave me clinging to a rope, the only thing left to hold on, to to hang on to my sanity.
Excuse my vanity, there's this thing about me, this thing I see
I see you watching me,
me falling harder, and deeper in love with thee.

Hindsight

I looked to my left
and there I saw it.
A portal. Disguised as eyes.
So inviting I couldn't resist
And my toes, tempted as they were to test new waters,
jumped in without a thought,
fought no resistance from a heart, otherwise so shy,
so hesitant on any other day to even say "Hi".
But here I was, now and for a long time, dreading a goodbye.
By and by I grew comfortable in your universe,
still unsure whether you were a boon or a curse.
The rantings of your soul began to quench my thirst.
You brought out the worst
in me and the best in me,
and I could see no other but you.
You were true and mad and deep,
and I loved you.
Truly, madly and deeply.
We were a real life fairy-tale
Tip toeing around what never should have been,
But was anyway.
The sky was the limit for our kind of love.
Above us and below us, all around us denied,
But you were my safe place, my north star, the only place I could hide
Beside you, was where my heart resided
I confided and so did you,
our love abided but fell apart too.

And now I'm writing words they don't get.
And context that was never set.
Let them never understand the force that took my hand and pulled me in through that portal,
a love that was fatal and new,
that brought colours and blue,
that left me admitting things I've never said before,
that left me standing by your door
and whispering..
"Please just give us another chance,
My melody is incomplete without your soul and a dance."

One mistake, one fault of my own,
I see now in hindsight,
back where it all began
I should have never fallen through
I should have never held your hand
I should have ditched the portal and its alluring light
I should have, I wish I had, forcefully looked to my right.

2 am, my confidant

2 am,

you've always been true to me,

never let me down.
When silence unfriended me,
you kept me sound.

You were the noise in my chaos 

and the cry of my soul.

You knew the difference between a warm embrace,

and a love gone cold.

Bold enough were you,

to throw reality in my face

and scream into my ears

that it wasn't my place

to order the stars around and meddle with fate.

It wasn't about love as much as it was about hate
for words that come to me,
when the hour is just too late.

Wait a moment, I know it's late.

But 2 am, you never condemn

me for calling you up,

when I'm feeling too down;

for confiding in you,

about the demons that surround

me, in my all too conscious state

with a head that won't think straight.

Complicated are the hours of day,

for those are moments I won't say

what needs to be said.

No, I require your ears when I'm lazing in bed.

My head's a mess of words and memories,

a game of chess between me and the reveries.

2 am, you've seen me through it all,

you've seen my highs and my drunken falls.

Crawl into dawn with me, my friend

in your hour alone I will begin and end.

Flawful

The exact moment I knew I was in love with you
was the moment I realized I was in love with your flaws too.
Every scar on your shoulder from carrying the weight of the world
to every line on your palm from juggling baggage too real.
The moment you found you could trust me with a secret,
was the moment I knew I would hold it in my heart till the day we part.
And you started to sing, words like a river flowing from your lips,
sips of water to quench my thirsting heart.
Your secrets became a part of me,
shattered me so that I could see,
that broken and bold has its own beauty.
Me, a flaw by nature,
found that I could not hate your
wrongs and I could not fight.
For your flaws shone on my soul
like the stars do for the night.
Ripples turned to waves
that gushed over the walls you've made slaves
to your stubborn heart that never shared.
But now, bared, the most human thing I've ever encountered,
the most earthly words I've ever heard,
naked, your soul lies before me
after me to bare mine too.
Shhhh,
Listen to its tune.
We can laze this way until its noon.
And I'll worship every flaw you've ever thought made you unworthy
ever thought taints you in my eyes,
ever thought could make me see you as any less
than the beautiful mess of imperfect perfection
that you are.
Bar no story from me while I explore,
and dust off secrets from your shore.
Slowly but surely you'll see through and through
I am nothing but a mess, more flawed than you.
And maybe, somewhere at dawn
I'll meet you half way,
and we'll balance out our differences.
I'll take every pain of hate you feel,
and every brick you've used for shield,
keep them aside for us to heal.
Seal away the things that hurt the most,
and kiss your seas from coast to coast.
Together we will drown in the waters of a dark sky,
Lie with me, hit pause.
Let me worship the beauty in your flaws.